the washing machine

seeing the washing machine work for the first time in my house. is just...awesome.
you cannot describe that feeling of 'we did it' the first time you put your mixed loads in that tin can and letting it spin round and round and round...

its just...awesome.

not the machine. not even your jersey with her yoga pants.

its just...awesome.

this is no job, this is a profession.

you teach, you run laps, you camp, you shoot, you train to kill, you teach some more, you present, you are as good with a powerpoint as you are with a weapon, you talk to people, you run more laps, you train more people, you formally interview hundreds of human beings every time a batch comes in, you informally interview hundreds more on a day to day basis, you shoot some more, you train to kill some more, you learn excel, word and powerpoint and then you learn keynote, pages and numbers and then you learn how to convert them to open office. you check emails and snail mails, you talk to parents every time there is a complaint, the guys under you often complain, you run more laps, you do the obstacle course, you juggle time with your fiancee, you find time for friends, you try not to sound like you are blowing your own trumpet but the honest brutal truth is....nobody else can cut it. cross over to teaching. easy. cross over to engineering. done before. cross over to police. puh-leaseeee. ever heard of someone doing it the other way around? take it or leave it. you are trained to drop anywhere in the world and survive, including the social world. and it is not a 1st generation organisation anymore, aside from getting confidence badges splashed across your chest, you are constantly mentally challenged with desk work and email clutter and seminars. meet-the-people session every Tuesday? ....puh-lease, more like every day. and the beauty of it is, you actually do something about it. because it is your responsibility. because people in this organisation, regular or not, is your brother. no matter what gripe you have with the men in green, just know for a fact that you will not have a much safer sleep than you are having right now.

i actually have no heads or tails of where i am going with this entry.
i am just proud to be a professional in this line. wanna come over?
=)

tips on doing up a good presentation.

1. a mac with keynote
2. a great team
3. another mac with keynote, because the previous mac might/will just die on you
3. numbering your priorities properly
3. what i said in 3
4. have a great speech writer and a solid presenter
5. cancel all soccer plans on saturdays with the guys
6. cancel all late nights with the fiancee
7. have no life
8. turn the volume of your phone at its loudest, you will never know who needs to call you on a friday night to come for meeting on a saturday morning.
9. throw away your phone
10. put in all effort because at the end of it all, there isn't anything sweeter, than a shake on your hand and someone telling you, that you did a fantastic job.

HOO-AH!

thank you guys, your passion for the project was ridiculously infectious.
thank you mac, for dying on me every now and then and forcing me to take a break.
thanks love for being understanding.

normalcy.

if you can, you will understand, why even with 2 hours of night, i will still chase that star, knowing that in 120mins, the sun will be up, and my eyes are ready to open.

if you can understand, you will, appreciate every living moment of your parents, your siblings, your brother in law, your niece, your heart, even though you know, that appreciation is just you and your thoughts.

if you, will the need to understand, would will that every normal moment that you have is in every noiseless room and in every noisy everything else, that your will is the will of everyone else already dead.

we are, still, puppets, stringed or not, happy or not, fearful or not, still puppets to ourselves. and yet we puppets find normalcy in blowing our own nose, walking our own steps and looking our own way, that one single act that makes you feel that yes. this is my life. facade. or not.

at the end of it all.

normalcy is the moment of birth and rebirth that we face everyday. sometimes, twice a day, sometimes, once in a few days.

but do understand, that you need to return to normalcy, or else, what the hell are you living for.

aper sak kau cakap.
dalam bahasa boyan, maknanya, kerjahnyarg keraseng keraseng, tapikerneh hidopynya seseoranghui hanyokiur bilaore dior satuhyie dalamerw dirinyour. pahamt?

getting married.

i now love mornings the most.
its the feeling of waking up airborne, with a silver parachute, feet never touching the ground and the wind up in my face.

i now love noon the most.
its the feeling of getting lost in eyes that bubble wraps you from everything bad in this world.

i now love evening the most.
its the feeling of sliding down a long slide, adrenalin all spent, and all you are doing is lying down on that slide, waiting for the stars to come at night.

i now love night the most.
its the feeling of watching stars watch over you with the night breeze ruffling your hair and as your feet slowly lifts off the ground.

getting ready, to do it all over again.

for reeza.
thank you.
i now love you the most.

more than ever

today.

i want to drive you around.

and let you sleep in the car.

as i send you home.

today.

as i see our families.

and my future family.

and my future.

and you.

today.

i want to live with you.

and wake up to you.

and smell your smell.

today.

more than ever.

i want to get married to you.

no man is an island.

ever felt like you are stepping into darkness with a small little candle?

"how sia, first time leh, got advice for me? must do what ah? need what? wear what? what to expect? haiiiah"

that first job, that first task, that first project, that first relationship, that first batch, that first class of secondary school kids, that first big exam paper, that first big step into the real world.

well, i felt that way. so i upgraded my candle to a torch.

"ahhh, ok. ok done that, settled. oh i see, ok cool. anything else? so its like this and that rite? ok can! steady!"

my seek-advice-from-subordinates-and-colleagues, my need-to-know-everything-at-my-fingertips, my ask-and-confirm-and-verify, my comfort-food, my-one-true-love-who-assures-and-reassures, my settle-everything-that-you-can-on-your-side, my-relax-its-all-going-to-be-ok, my its-ok-to-not-know-everything.

and then you realise, the people around you and most importantly you and your beliefs, are the only two things that you need...to get to the light.

"Ahhhhhh...thanks bro! thank you ibu! terima kasih abah! lovely, thank you so much love. for everything. Thank you God."

no man is an island.
no matter how awesome i am.

haha.

KL is the boomz.

my older sister decided that she had way too much money.

and me and reeza became victims.

of a super cool kl trip.
one word.
niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.








ok there are seriously too many pictures and too little patience.
so lets just say...it was.

AWESOME.

on a side note.
im so happy reeza is loving my family and that my family loves her.
and vice versa on my part.
this part of my life.
i call...warm fuzzies.

the silence

its been...so long. =)
and i miss vomitting out my thoughts...so much.
but it was necessary. the silence.
i felt so childish and so in need of everybody. to see how many clicks i get per day.
to wage email wars on stupid idiots with blogs that nobody cares about.
to link everybody that i know.
to have something to write about.
and only now i realise. i need this for myself.

im lazy. but earnest in front of a keyboard.
im an introvert. but i love sharing my life with strangers.
im getting older. and to lose these many years as memories is such waste.
so here we are old blog.

the links are removed. no comments made available. just me, myself and you.

rat-a-tat-tat

rat-a-tat-tat

7.62 rounds firing in front of me. breathe damn it breathe.
stepped front. stepped back. breathe. welcome back to the army boy.
breathe.breathe.breathe.
(elephant hill)

tap-a-tap-a-tap-a-tap

2.4km. just a lil whooo lil whooo lil more. 11mins. damn it.
come on boy. you fat lazy civilian wannabe cheeeeb**.
11.28, 29, 30 sir! good job sir. good job....
good job...my ass....
(lim chu kang camp)

rat-a-tat-tat

off! .....off!......off!.....off!
shoot lower and control your breathing private!!!
on!.....on!.......on!......off!
(undisclosed location)

ring-a-ling-ling ring-a-ling-ling

hey babe. i miss you. *yawn*
how was *yawn* your day?
*yawn* oh really? *yawn*
oh *yawn* ok *yawn*
*yawn* ok night *yawn*
lo.. *yawn* ..ve yo... *yawn* ...u

teet-teet-teet-teet

yo bros. soccer at safra mount faber tmr? -delete-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -save-
co-ord meeting postponed to 1430. -save-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -delete-
yo mat. can reply or not? tmr soccer how? -delete-
hey baby. good morning! love you lots! -save-
co-ord meeting cancelled -delete-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -delete-
bro co-ord meeting on or not ah? -delete-
sir, meeting cancelled but for you still got meeting. all 2ics at 1500 conference room -save-
bro co-ord meeting on or not ah? reply pls. -delete-
sir, meeting cancelled for all. -delete-
-delete ALL-
baby why never msg back?
(10 mins in my office)


rat-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat

section!!!! straight ahead!!!
section!!! lima foxtrot!!!
what the f*** are you doing!
SEMULA!
(undisclosed location)


ding-dong-ding-dong

ibu. faizal nak tidur dulu. penat lah.
ibu masak apa? ok nanti faizal makan.
nanti nak jumpa reeza kejap.
malam nie faizal book in balik.
(home...home sweet home)